New Notification: _____and_____ are engaged!

Seems like EVERY time I log in to Facebook these days, someone is getting engaged.

I won't lie like others girls and say "Oh goodness, I'm not bitter-I'm SO SO happy for them".  Lets be real people, you know your initial reaction to those notifications (if you are painfully single or painfully waiting for your significant other to pop the question) is "Really? Really?! Another one?!?".

Tonight's notification took me by surprise.  I've known this girl for ages, I mean come on she was my elementary school best friend's LITTLE SISTER.  So now its not just my peers? Its my peers younger siblings? Oh...okay good. I was just checking.

This month officially marks the time of the year that I have officially had no official boyfriend for SEVEN official years. (I'm fully aware I am using an excessive amount of capital letters, but its really for the best emphasis.) So when those oh-so-well-to-do old church friends see me around my hometown and ask "Are you engaged? Are you close to being engaged? Do you have a boyfriend?" I can't help but laugh.  I am probably the farthest away from getting married as they come.

And I don't know how I feel about it.

Some days I like to stand tall, strut my stuff out to my jeep and blast "All my Single Ladies" at the top of my lungs.  I couldn't be more proud to me an independent woman working towards being nursing, driving around in that ride *I bought it*, and laughing at those "boys" who obviously can't see how much I'm worth.

But other days its just lonely.  Most girls don't want to admit that because it seems "needy".  Well screw that, we all get lonely! Sometimes we want more than cuddling with our australian-shepard mix and a bottle of white zin...can I get a witness?

You know what though.  I'm learning to practice patience.  Patience that God knows what He is doing. Patience that He is still growing me to be the woman He calls me to be.  Patience that He is still training up my warrior and its is not our time to meet yet.  And more importantly He is teaching me to be content.  To be content whatever my circumstance and to trust in His beautiful plan.

Because who He has for me loves his mother. Respects his father. Treats those who can do nothing for him with respect and gratitude. Loves Jesus. Can admit his mistakes, and learn from others.  He will have a heart for those in need. His sense of humor will get us through tough times and his sense of adventure will lead our story all over the world.  He will accept others and be willing to take in children as our own.  He will take care of his money, his body, himself.  The affirmations he craves will not come from me-but from his Creator.  He will be a hard worker, a fearless leader, an animal lover, and whisper joy and life to my soul every single day.  And this man-well he is worth the wait.

The Final List

You see a messy past.
I see the journey that made you.

You see a shameful turn of events.
I see freedom from someone who didn't truly love you.

You see no set plans for your future and instability.
I see a blank canvas, waiting to be created.

You feel that you have a bad heart that I wouldn't like.
I can feel it beating strong when you embrace me.

You feel you are not enough.
I like you just the way you are.

You hear the overwhelmingly negative talk of those around you.
I hear it too.  And couldn't care less what they say.

You don't think you deserve my love.
I love you.

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Life is a biotch sometimes, isn't it?

When I read my other posts here it kinda makes me sad to see how little progress I am made.  Thank God for grace, for second chances, and for renewed spirits.  Maybe this blog won't be so much about my "weight loss", as just about be.  Who I am. How I am growing. What God is doing in my life.  That seems like a lot less pressure. To just take it day by day.

So.  Today I am thankful. Thankful that despite all the failures I see in myself that God is still using me.  Working as a Nurse Tech right now is something I LOVE.  Everyday I am able to love on children.  It is a pretty thankless job.  I wash them, brush their teeth, change their diapers.  At the end of the day I have stains on my scrubs from formula, pee and poop; my back is aching and I just want a nap.  But I CANNOT wait for the next day to go love on them again.

So. Today I chose to focus on the good.  I chose my attitude.  I choose to live my life positively.


"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He WILL give you the desires of your heart."